How to make better conversation
Date: July 29, 2015
Name: How to make better conversation
Presenters: Peter Reek and Catherine Ducharme
Leaders need to learn the art of conversation. Moreover, effective conversation can help leaders to inspire, motivate and encourage other people. Smart Savvy LeaderLounge is a community that improve the way leaders think, communicate, influence, mentor and strategize. Smart Savvy LeaderLounge invites Peter Reek, the President of Smart Savvy + Associates, and Catherine Ducharme, the Co-funder of Outsidein Communications, to discuss how leaders can create better conversations with other individuals. Leaders will also learn how to build meaningful relationship, values, and interaction by having a confidence and compelling conversations with other leaders.
Peter Reek is the Owner and President of Smart Savvy + Associates. Reek has the passion to help many companies make effective decision making to expand their operations. Moreover, he helps organizations to identify their “why”. Furthermore, Reek was a Vice President of Sensus Research and the Principal of Brandsense inc.
Catherine Ducharme is the Co-Founder of Outsidein Communications. Ducharme has over many years of industry experience to help many corporation on their communication. Ducharme has the background of biotech sector and strategy on branding and marketing. Moreover, Ducharme has the passion to build relationship with other leaders and help many leaders to enhance their connections and opportunities.
The anatomy of a conversation
Reek and Ducharme both believes all conversations are two ways. All conversation can lead the question or has the opportunity to know about other party. Every conversation has a beginning, middle and end. In addition, small talk is conversational icebreaker. Therefore, leaders can use question to start a conversation and add values to others, and they have to opportunity to listen and figure out the clues.
Leaders can identify their common traits from their conversationalists as their conversation characteristic. Reek identifies 6 laws of great conversation.
Law #1: Risk taking
Reek believes fears hold leaders back from making great conversation. Fears can create awkward silence, rejection, low self-esteem, and rejections. Therefore, Reek indicates many leaders are experiencing the fear of nothing to say. Reek wants leaders to identify their risks and overcome these obstacles.
Law #2: Self awareness
Ducharme believes every leader has their own unique conversation style. However, the important thing is to understand how other people perceive their conversation style. Leaders can irritate other people based on habits and beliefs. In addition, Ducharme suggests leaders not to be a conversational narcissist.
Ducharme recommends leaders to identify their strengths and opportunities, such as things they know they can be good at and can capitalize on. In enhance, leaders also need to mitigate their weakness and threats.
Law #3: Listening
Reek emphasizes good listeners can validate others and not worry about what they will say next. Leaders need to become good listeners because it helps them generate better ideas, heighten awareness, and stronger recall. Leaders need to shift the focus on other people. Reek indicates leaders need to have the ability to pick on what other people said and more in tune with themselves.
“Listen to understand, not to response”
Law #4: Genuine curiosity
Ducharme shows that based on statistic, many people prefer likeable people over confident people. Reek suggests 3 ways to approach conversation.
- Sound of their names
- Genuine compliment
- Everyone has an interesting story
Each conversation can allows leaders to learn something new and connect with others.
Law #5: Perspective taking
Reek shares perspective taking often trumps empathy. Many people have the misconception that perspective taking and empathy are identical, but they are not. Empathy is understanding how other people feel. Perspective taking allows leaders to understand why they feel in the state they are in.
“Empathy is heart emotion, and perspective is head cognition”
As for leaders, their conversation must keep it cognitive.
Law #6: Shared experiences
Ducharme believes people gravitate to others who are like them. Therefore, it is important to use conversation to find their common interest. Ducharme shares 3 ways to help leaders find commonalities.
- Ask questions
- Share things about themselves
- Compliment others
Reek and Ducharme believe it is important to have good conversation openers. Conversation openers can be different for different leaders. The rule of thumb is to interact and engage the conversation with others.
All conversations must come to end. Reek believes the 3 primary results can be as follows.
- Leaders do not care because there of unclear connection
- Great well it last
- Beyond the event
Conversation enders can be a simple as shake other people’s hands, introduce other people, or leave a connection to continue the conversation. A silence pause can also be a good conversation ender as well.
Reek and Ducharme want leaders to balance from listening and contributing, oversharing and under sharing, and humour and creditability. There is a fine line between conference and arrogance, enthusiasm and disingenuous, curiosity and intrusiveness, sharing intel and gossiping, active listening and overactive listening, intentionality and intensity, and humour.
Reek and Ducharme suggest leaders to read more articles to improve conversation, listen to other thought leaders, stay on current events, choose the right programs, utilize social media, understand the geography, involve some political landscape, know the audience, follow the playoffs, and attend other events.